


Shared Death Loop Trauma? Shared Death Loop Trauma.

by Mintoki



Category: better luck next time - Fandom, 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia
Genre: (idk if that tag even applies but dear lord I need at least ONE genre tag for this), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fanfiction of Fanfiction, Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Not Canon Compliant, about 2k of kids talking to each other; I legit don't know what to tag this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-13 12:07:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29278200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mintoki/pseuds/Mintoki
Summary: "Hearing a knock on his dorm door in the evening isn’t necessarily a rare occurrence for Izuku. So when there’s a hesitant rapping on his door a little before ten at night, he’s not really surprised at the noise.He is surprised, however, when he discovers that the person who greets him on the other side isn’t one of his classmates.'Hey Midoriya,' Monoma stands, weight shifting awkwardly from foot to foot. 'Can I come in?'"A short fanfiction based off nauticalwarrior's "better luck next time"
Relationships: Midoriya Izuku & Monoma Neito
Comments: 29
Kudos: 580
Collections: better luck next time and related works





	Shared Death Loop Trauma? Shared Death Loop Trauma.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [nauticalwarrior](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nauticalwarrior/gifts).
  * Inspired by [better luck next time](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28394571) by [nauticalwarrior](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nauticalwarrior/pseuds/nauticalwarrior). 



> Hey ya'll I've been obsessed with better luck next time for the past month and chapter 40 made me really want to write something for it. This isn't really going to make sense if you haven't read the fic (which I definitely recommend you do!) but for context, Izuku has a Quirk that seems to make him reset every time he dies. He's kept it a secret, but Monoma copied his Quirk at the training camp. This takes place after that and Kamino
> 
> (I know this is going to be not canon compliant real quick but I don't even care lmaoooo let me write my self indulgent fic in peace. Also, wrote this super quick and barely revised/proofread so have fun!)

Hearing a knock on his dorm door in the evening isn’t necessarily a rare occurrence for Izuku. So when there’s a hesitant rapping on his door a little before ten at night, he’s not really surprised at the noise.

He is surprised, however, when he discovers that the person who greets him on the other side isn’t one of his classmates.

“Hey Midoriya,” Monoma stands, weight shifting awkwardly from foot to foot. “Can I come in?”

Izuku hasn’t seen Monoma since they’ve moved into the dorms. After the disaster of a training camp and the destruction of Kamino ward, things had been hectic. There had hardly been any room to breathe for all the first year hero students, but especially for those like Monoma and Izuku who were targeted specifically by the League during the summer break. As such, they haven’t had time to talk about everything that happened during the attack on the camp.

Namely, they haven’t been able to talk about Izuku’s Quirk.

“Y-yeah, yeah! Of course...” Izuku steps out of the doorway, allowing Monoma to enter. He approaches Izuku’s desk and the shelves drilled to the wall above it. They hold some of the hero collectibles he brought over from his room at home, though now he kind of wants to beat up his past self for bringing some of the more childish ones.

“Funny, I didn’t peg you as such a big All Might fan.” Monoma drawls, poking at a plush All Might’s forehead.

“I’m not. I mean- I was, but not anymore? Not that I don’t like All Might anymore, it’s just-”

“I was kidding, Midoriya. Gosh, you Class A folks really don’t know how to take a joke, do you?” Monoma rolls his eyes, but the small smile on his face tells Izuku that he’s not truly annoyed. He then plops down in the desk chair as if it’s his own.

“Heh, I guess not. Sorry.” Izuku closes the door and then sits on his bed, facing Monoma. He never thought he’d be in this position, sitting alone with the most antagonistic member of 1-B in his bedroom.

Monoma glances around his room, never quite meeting Izuku’s eyes. 

“So.” Izuku starts.

“So.” Monoma echoes. It’s a weird feeling, Izuku thinks, knowing that they’ve died in each other’s arms and yet they’re both still too unfamiliar with each other to just say get to the point of what they want to say.

“I’m guessing you have a few questions about what happened at the training camp, huh?” Izuku chuckles without much humor and rubs at the back of his neck.

“A few? Try a couple hundred. I’ve never copied a Quirk like that before and frankly, I don’t think it’s something I really want a repeat of.”

“I can’t say I blame you. The first few times are definitely the worst.”

“I don’t understand how you can stand it.”

Izuku swallows, allowing him a pause before speaking. “It isn’t all that bad, really. You get used to it after a while.”

“Not that bad? You had a  _ hole  _ through your torso, I’d say that’s pretty fucking bad.”

“Okay, so that was probably one of the worst ones, but I’ve got a pretty high pain tolerance now from all the other times I’ve died.”

“And how many times would that be?” Monoma finally steadies his gaze. Now it’s Izuku’s turn to look away.

“I don’t see how that’s-

"How many times, Midoriya?”

“... Enough. I’ve used it enough.” And that’s really the best answer Izuku can give. He doesn’t keep track of how many times he resets, doesn’t necessarily think the exact humber is that important in the grand scheme of things. Things go wrong, Izuku dies, he gets another chance. The only situation he needs to be cognizant of how many times he’s used his Quirk is when he starts nearing his limit.

Monoma doesn’t respond right away to that, instead staring at a point on Izuku’s All Might bedspread. A small frown pulls at his lips and his eyes are narrowed in thought. 

“I really think we should tell someone about it.”

“What? No! No, we can’t-  _ you  _ cant-!”

“We  _ died! _ I think that warrants something.”

“But we didn’t die, not really at least!” Izuku’s mouth is moving faster that his brain at this point because this is bad. No one can find out about his Quirk. Especially not his teachers. “If the deaths don’t stick, and I come back after the fact, I’m not actually dying am I? I’m just using my Quirk, like everyone else.”

“You’re using your Quirk that  _ nobody else knows about.” _

“And how do you think they would react if they found out about it?”

“I can’t speak for Eraserhead, but Vlad-sensei… he’s a good teacher. I’m sure he’d want to help you.”

“And that’s exactly the problem.”

“Excuse me?”

“They want to help. The U.A. teachers always want to help.” He thinks of is after school training sessions with Aizawa, how much the man tries to impress on him the importance of self-preservation and self-care. He doesn’t think he’d be too happy to hear about how Izuku’s been training his Quirk in his free-time to try and up his death limit. “They’ll make me stop using my Quirk, even though I’ve been able to save so many with it.”

“Yes, but if the heroes say that’s the best course of action-”

“If I didn’t use my Quirk, what do you think would have happened to Kouta?” The image of the boy’s mangled corpse sits fresh in Izuku’s mind and he has no doubts that it does for Monoma as well by the way his face blanches. “If we hadn’t reset, he would be dead.”

“... The heroes might have been able to handle it. Better than we could, at least.”

“We  _ are  _ the heroes now, Monoma. Sometimes you have to take matters into your own hands or else people get hurt.”

“And if you do that, the person who’s going to get hurt is  _ you. _ A hero can’t do their job if they’re always engaging in reckless behavior and hurting themselves. I had your Quirk. You can’t hide the backlash it has after a few uses from me. That migraine after the fourth reset? I had it for almost two days straight.”

The two glare at each other, both standing their ground. They really are embodying their final exam results here, Izuku thinks. Monoma, the boy with such a strong sense self-preservation and underestimation of his own skills that he wants to leave the fighting to those he deems more capable, and Izuku, the student who charged at the principal and headbutted a gun in the name of passing at any cost. It’s this thought that makes Izuku back down with a sigh.

“I’m not trying to hurt myself.” At least not when he’s battling villains. The cuts hidden under his sweatshirt tell a different story. “I’m just doing my best with what’s been given to me.”

“I know, I know. It’s just,” Monoma takes a shaky breath, closing his eyes and tipping his head back a bit. “I only used your Quirk those few times, and yet…”

It’s then that Izuku notices just how dark the circles under Monoma’s eyes are. Izuku can relate. He remembers being constantly plagued by nightmares the first few nights after he discovered his Quirk. Even now, he still wakes up coughing on sludge that isn’t there or grasping at his side, expecting to find a porcupine needle. Considering Monoma’s deaths from Muscular were much more brutal with the added bonus of seeing Izuku and Kouta die themselves, it’s no surprise he can’t get a full night’s sleep.

“I’m sorry.” At Izuku’s words, Monoma’s eyes snap open.

“Why are you apologizing?”

“Well, usually if people die in the loops, they don’t have to remember it, but because you copied my Quirk…”

“God, you guys in Class A sure are full of yourselves.”

“Excuse me?”

“I mean, I’m the one who chose to copy your Quirk. Why are you acting all self-righteous for a decision I made of my own volition.”

“But you didn’t know what my Quirk would do to you-”

“You think you’re special? I’ve been copying Quirks from people since I was five.I know that I might not always like what I pull.”

“Still… I’m sorry.” 

“Did you not hear what I just said?”

“Yes but-”

“Stop being annoying. I swear if you say sorry one more time I’m going to kill you.”

“Been there, done that. Not much of a threat” The words come out before his brain filter can catch them. Both boys freeze for a second, but then Monoma lets out a surprised laugh at that.

“Okay, okay poor choice of words.”

“You can say that again.”

“But seriously, I guess what I’m trying to say is… I know you said you’ve had your Quirk for about five months now and if this is how I’m feeling after using your Quirk a week and a half ago, I can’t imagine how you’ve been handling it.” Monoma runs his hand through his hair.

“I’m fine. Seriously Monoma, I know it’s scary, but like you said, I’ve had my Quirk since February. I know how to handle it.”

“Yes, but have someone to talk to can’t hurt.”

Izuku sighs. “I already said, I can’t talk to any of the teachers.”

“I’m not talking about the teachers, idiot. What about me? If you need to talk to someone, and you’re refusing to tell Eraserhead or Hound Dog, what if you talked to me?”

“Wh-what?”

“Look, I know I’ve been a bit of an asshole in the past and that I’m not always the easiest to get along with but-”

“No, I mean, why are you offering this to me?”

“Every hero needs a support network, Midoriya. Just because your Quirk is kind of fucked up doesn’t mean you should be deprived of one.” Monoma stands, stretching his arms above his head. “And I’m really the perfect person for it. Even if I don’t go through a loop with you, it’s not going to take much to convince me what happened. I’ve lived through using your Quirk, after all.”

Izuku doesn’t know what to say. He’s thought about someone finding out about his Quirk, obviously, but there was never any situation he predicted where someone would not only believe him about how it worked, but also remember it after the fact. Here Monoma is, though, proving himself to be the exception.

“I- thank you. Thank you so much.” Izuku can feel the tears trying to force their way out, but he’s able to keep them under control for now. “You can come to me if you ever need it, too, y’know?”

“Oh, that’s a given. You’ll definitely be hearing from me.” Monoma laughs. “But for now I need to get back to my dorm before curfew. I don’t need another thing for Vlad-sensei to lecture me about. Goodnight, Midoriya.”

“Goodnight, Monoma.” Monoma leaves the room, shutting the door behind him. Izuku flops back on his bed, thoughts racing. This is new. This is something completely unexpected. He has someone who can both blow his entire secret surrounding his Quirk and then even go so far as to prevent him from resetting the timeline. It should be a scary thought, yet all he feels is a sense of relief and comfort.

Izuku has someone he can fully confide in. Finally.


End file.
